The Proust “Confessions” Questionnaire, developed by French writer Marcel Proust in the late 19th Century, seems simple enough — but it is not for the faint of heart. This series of questions digs deeply into the heart of a person as it explores, and reveals, what they value, what they love, what they hate, what they believe in, and what they dream of in the daylight hours.
To begin DarkMedia’s Proust series, we would like to present author Jake Bannerman.
“I feel quite honored by this particular interview type, as it seems geared towards creating a psychological picture of me — very similar to what Agent Starling tried with Hannibal Lector.
Okay… I am open to letting you in, but are you sure that you want to come in? Something tells me once you get in the door, you will want to walk straight back out…”
1. Your favorite virtue.
Love with all your might, and hate with all your might! Hate should be embraced as much as love — if it deserved. And it is an incredible virtue; although the recognised meaning of virtue is ‘moral excellence’, there is nothing more unmoral than to let those you hate control you. So I consider it quite virtuous to seek and perfect revenge based on earned hatred.
2. Your favorite qualities in man.
I think man is overrun with power, the alpha omega mindset, and it pisses me off. My favorite quality of a man is one who is confident in his skills, and one who carries the education to question what the world tells him; the freedom to think on his own terms, without submitting to the need to try and impress anyone like a gorilla — beating his chest over simple accomplishments.
3. Your favorite qualities in a woman.
Strength. Almost the opposite of the qualities I hate in men, I admire in women. Strength, courage and the tenacity of a pit viper! I believe women should be forward in their thoughts and movements. They are beautiful bodies of chaos and they need to utilize all the power that they possess, because those who do not end up in a dark place that they can only get themselves out of. I believe that if they use the strength they have, no woman would ever be beaten, raped, or harassed. Women are stronger than men — end of story!
4. Your favorite occupation.
I would love to work in radio. I have a broadcasting and communications degree, and I love to communicate. That’s part of my writing, after all; I love to tell stories. My father told me stories all the time.
5. Your chief characteristic.
I would say my constant battle against normal thought. This world is set up to force you to think like everyone else, and I hate that! If you wear a tie to this job interview you might have a better chance of getting the job, if you have a cool car you have a better chance of dating the cheerleader, if you always do what is right you will get what you are working towards. No, no and no! Putting on a tie is not talent or intelligence; it’s a kiss-ass maneuver, and it means shit. The cool car doesn’t make your dick any bigger, and you don’t want to date her anyway; find someone who appreciates who you are, not what you own. This is the biggest lie of all; ‘you should always tell the truth and do the right thing’. No, do what is takes to achieve your goals. So long as nobody is harmed in the process, it doesn’t matter if you lie, burn a cross and flip off your grandmother, just work until you get there. The “TRUTH” means nothing!
6. Your idea of happiness.
I honestly do not believe that true happiness exists. For me, happiness is doing what the world says I cannot do, and pissing in the mainstream. It makes me smile when I do something out of the norm and it works to my advantage, but the world trips over its tongue trying to say how wrong I was because it was not done their way. But some material things that would get me close to happiness are an unlimited amount of money and an endless line of women – oh, and maybe a nice BMW too. I’m a normal guy – I want Yankees season tickets, a lot of sex and money. Who doesn’t want that?
7. Your idea of misery.
A room with only one door where girl scouts repeatedly try to sell you their girl scout cookies over and over again. Being stuck at a Walmart when food stamps come out. Not being able to get a hard on… Misery is in the eye of the beholder. I can’t stand eggs. My general rule is not to eat anything that come out of another animal’s ass, so having nothing to eat but eggs would be misery for me. It’s different for each of us. I will say, though, that my misery is a place I like to visit on occasion. It brings me back to reality; life is dark, and life is hard. At the end, no matter what we accomplish we die. There is nothing that relates to cupcakes and unicorns when it comes to death, so I encourage visit your dark place, control your depression and make it work for you, not against you.
8. Your favorite color and flower.
Green and white are my favorite colors, and I have always thought that orchids are beautiful.
9. If not yourself, who would you be?
Oh I don’t know – Larry Flint, maybe? Or Rue Paul; I bet he/she whatever has been in some crazy sex situations! I want to live in Martha Stewart’s house; it’s so fucking lovely, and she’s always baking amazing shit!
10. Where would you like to live?
Refer to number 9 not the Beatles song… Question 9!
11. Your favorite prose authors.
I guess it would be fair to say Hemingway, but honestly, I’m not what you would call a prose reader. The majority of my reading has been about music, I am a huge fan of music.
12. Your favorite poets.
Once again, I spent very little time reading poetry, but I have always been fond of Yeats.
13. Your favorite painters and composers.
Painters – well, I was always kind of fond of Wiener Dog Art. Painting is one of those things that I just cannot comprehend having the talent to do, so when I look at a painting I’m in complete awe. Composers – Holst’s Planets and Vivaldi’s Seasons!
14. Your favorite heroes in real life.
George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Nikki Sixx, Glenn Beck, and the fat kid on the Goonies.
15. Your favorite heroines in real life.
Favorite as in who I want to have sex with, including a can of asparagus, a chainsaw and a live chicken? Or women whom I admire? I admire Princes Diana, Nancy Reagan, Jackie Kennedy, Mary Chapin Carpenter, Vanessa Carlton, Pink and Kate Beckinsale. But I wish that Oprah, Michelle Obama, Barbara Walters and Barbra Streisand would all die in a fiery car accident — seriously.
16. Your favorite heroes in fiction.
Indiana Jones, hands down – oh and, Racer X from Speed Racer, always thought he was cool!
17. Your favorite heroines in fiction.
Wonder Woman, of course! Also Scarlet from GI Joe and Ariel from the Little Mermaid.
18. Your favorite food and drink.
Lamb chops are my all time favorite food! But I hardly ever get them because they’re quite expensive. Now foods I love that I eat often are spaghetti, lasagna, and cereal — I love all kinds of cereal!
19. Your favorite names.
Abigail, Lydia, Wednesday, September and Nikki for women. For men I like Frank, Joseph, George and Zachary.
20. Your pet aversion.
Llamas. I can’t stand them, I’m convinced they’re aliens who only came here for the dental plan; although in truth, I’m not fond of any animals with eyeballs that are bigger than mine, as it means they have the potential to kill me.
21. What characters in history do you most dislike?
Jesus. He would be my Number One most hated fuck. And Telly Savalas, he’s up there as well.
22. What is your present state of mind?
Determined. Unbreakable. Focussed.
23. For what fault have you most toleration?
Indecision, because it is so different for all of us and it changes with your surroundings.
24. Your favorite motto.
Fuck ‘em and everyone that looks like them.
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